Stop "Shoulding" on Yourself
By Lisa Martin
Have you ever counted how many times a day you say the word should?
For most people I know should is one of the most commonly used
words in their vocabulary. I should call so-and-so. I really
should go to the gym. I should take some more courses. I
should redecorate my living room. Shoulds show up all the time.
And most of us aren’t even aware that they are there.
How can that be? When shoulds have been ruling your life for
years they are almost invisible. Like the electricity that runs your home,
shoulds can power your life. But while electricity enables you to
live more comfortably; shoulds compromise your ability to live
joyfully.
Shoulds get in the way. They stop you from doing what you really
want --- what is important to you. Living your life based on shoulds
takes you away from your true purpose. It can make you feel miserable and
out of balance.
It takes effort to change “shoulding” behavior. For me what really made
the difference was choosing not to go the Spa (I know, you’re wondering
how can going to the Spa possibly be a should?) Let me explain. I
was exhausted. I’d been on the road conducting coaching workshops. With my
last workshop complete, I headed back to my hotel. It featured a guest spa
area complete with gym, sauna, whirlpool, steam bath and hot stone
treatments. I remember going to view the spa. Its beauty captivated me. I
thought I really should come down here and take advantage of these
complimentary facilities. It was like lightning had struck. As soon as the
word should appeared I knew that I didn’t really want to go to the spa. I
wanted to take a bath and relax in my room. And that’s what I did. It was
a completely freeing experience.
If you find yourself saying you should do something. Stop and
assess the situation. Ask yourself:
Why do I think I should do this? (habit, obligation, to please someone
else)
What are the consequences if I don’t do it?
What do I really want to do?
Do I feel safer pursuing a should instead of a want?
These questions will help you make conscious choices. In some cases the
choice may be to follow a should…for personal reasons or because
the consequences are too great not to. But over time you will start saying
no to your shoulds and yes to your passions.
True joy comes when you do what you're most passionate about not what
you think you should do. Your passions are the things you
love to do, causes you believe in, and experiences you enjoy. When you are
passionate about what you do, success comes easily. You exude energy and
enthusiasm when you follow your passions. And the word enthusiasm derives
from the Latin en+ theos, which means “the god within.” Living your
passions frees your spirit.
It’s important to ask yourself how safe or satisfying it is spending
your time doing something that doesn’t reflect what you are truly
passionate about. When you follow your heart, you discover what is truly
nourishing to your soul and an abundant, joyful life is just around the
corner.
Make Your Move
Start paying attention to when and how often you say the word
should. Anytime you find yourself doing something because you feel you
should, I invite you to explore why you are doing it. I challenge
you to muster the courage to say no to the should and replace it
with a passion. And for fun… banish the word should from your
vocabulary for one week.
About the author: Laura Burkey coaches her
clients to get the results they want! Read more at
www.lauraburkeycoaching.com Ms. Burkey is so committed to the work she
does for her clients that she founded the Coach Master Skill Group
www.coachmasterskillgroup.com an organization committed to on-going skill
practice and development for professional coaches dedicated to coaching
mastery. Ms. Burkey is available for individual, group, and corporate
coaching. Workshops and speaking engagements available on a limited basis.
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